October 31, 2006
“As Co-Chair of the bipartisan House Army Caucus and as someone who has represented over 40,000 U.S. Army soldiers who have served in Iraq, I think Sen. Kerry’s comments were at worst deeply offensive, if intended for our troops serving in Iraq, or at the very least, a tasteless and inappropriate criticism of the president. I would continue to urge elected officials on both sides of the aisle not to play politics with our War in Iraq or our War on Terrorism.”
And there you have it folks, Chet Edwards (D) boldly chastising John Kerry via e-mail to Chet's District 17 constituents! That'll really straighten Kerry out on a thing or two! How about ponying up, trick rider? To borrow a phrase from Mary Matalin, "Riding pretty high up in the stradle, there cowboy!"
So, let the jackalope parse this out for y'all, pardners:
(I'm John Kerry [D-MA] and I served in Viet Nam... I mean, I'm Chet Edwards [D-TX] and I don't want anyone to forget how powerful I am)
"of the bipartisan"
(I'm the meanest s.o.b. those Republicans have ever dealt with. They do it my way, or it's the highway to the media for me, to make comments meant to scare the absolute bejeebers out of my constituents, their constituents, America's constituents until those Republicans cry like babies. Who's your Daddy, huh?)
"House Army Caucus and as someone who has represented over 40,000 U.S. Army soldiers who have served in Iraq,"
(I play those guys like a civil rights pimp 'cause it's all about me and my power. Did I tell you that I'm Chet Edwards [D-TX] and that I'm a powerful member of Congress?)
(starting to straddle)
"Sen. Kerry’s comments were at worst"
(hesitation to parse while in straddle mode)
"deeply offensive, if"
(Laura Ingraham has her "but...monkey"; the jackalope has her "if...varmint")
"intended for our troops serving in Iraq,"
(Kerry said it was, but I'm not quite sure...I'm looking into filing a report to look into this assertion, this baseless charge, this swiftboating of a proud veteran, who served in Viet Nam. Who as the last presidential candidate for the Democrat Party, the Party I serve... my constituents up as useful fodder for the progressive ideals I hold near and dear to my heart)
"or at the very least,"
(and he's riding in full straddle, heading for the finish line, and it's a doozy of a race here folks! A doozy of a race!)
"a tasteless and inappropriate criticism of the president."
(and here's the water-boy bringing a fresh pail for our prize pedigree gelding—who twisted a hoof while serving in Viet Nam—but ran a tough race even though swift-boated in the first quarter mile by the evil Karl Rove and that idiot, President Bush, who was selected, not elected)
"I would continue to urge elected officials on both sides of the aisle"
(Republicans need to shut their faces up, and that goes for Stuff't Suit Tony Snow and his doughboy friend, Rush Limbaugh. Don't make me whip this out!)
"not to play politics with our War in Iraq or our War on Terrorism.”
(Do I sing "God Bless America" now? Oh, wait! Hell, I forgot I keep pushing to rip out every endorsement of the Judeo-Christian religion from every aspect of Amerikan lives because I'm a liberal-progressive, pro-abortion, drive-your-15-year-old-across-state-lines-for-a-partial-birth-abortion, Jack-Daniels-sippin', partisan-as-they-come, lying-son-of-a-gun-and-you-kant-do-a-damn-thing-about-it kinda man. Y'all be quiet in there, now. Y'hear? An don' forget to vote for Chet Edwards [D-TX 17] or y'won't be gettin' no more VA health care! Y'know what I mean?)
Yep, ol Chet...he's for you, vets...NOT!!!